I have been a parent for just eighteen years now. My parents did a magnificent job parenting me and my siblings. Are they constantly watching over my shoulder, observing? Yes I guess they are sometimes and that is OK because I have no doubt I will be doing the same to my girls. To date I think my parenting has gone pretty well. No, not perfectly but pretty well.
Legal advice states that from eighteen we are ‘off and running’ solo and gosh how hard this is to sit back and let go as a parent but I am doing the best I can. At the age of fifty you would think I should have a good idea of what is going on but often I don’t and I know I am not the only one out there feeling this way.
I was raised in a nuclear family. However I am a parent of two in a blended family and the rules change a little in this scenario. Professionals state that in a blended family, the step-mum or step-dad should leave most of the parenting to the biological parent and this is fine to a degree. However there are certainly times when the experience of both need to come together and form a ‘united front.’
I had been a single mum for nearly eight years and it was very hard trying to be both mum and dad to my girls. I called on the parenting skills my parents utilised in our family and I think that what I learnt from them has been working, with a little tweeking too. Well, to get feedback along the lines of ‘your children are delightful’ and ‘gosh you must be so proud of your children’ and just the other day a friend said ‘they are good kids because you have taught them well’ says I must be doing something right. Does it apply all the time, absolutely not. We have fallouts like any other family, especially this thing called parenting eighteen year olds. It is a whole new world to me. I walk around on eggshells, feeling as guilty as hell, trying to right the wrongs in their lives and ‘Band-Aid’ the tears. Parenting! No wonder no one will pay us….they couldn’t afford us.
Is bad behaviour contagious? I think sometimes it can be if parents don't step up and draw those boundaries. I have been made aware of certain teens in a peer group and the attitude towards their parent/s, by a certain advisor. I was able to experience this attitude myself eventually and watched how a teen verbally ‘tore strips off’ her mother in my presence and didn’t even flinch whilst she did it. Clearly it was a regular occurrence. I looked at this teen in amazement and she knew when our eyes met that I was not at all impressed. I guess her going red-faced and dropping her head was the ‘give away’ that maybe she was ‘out of line.’ Honestly, the lashing was like ‘grease lightning’ and if I hadn’t seen and heard it I wouldn’t have believed it. Mum stood there and muttered a couple of words to her daughter but in my eyes it was far from adequate and I know my girlfriend standing next to me felt exactly as I did.
So why? Angry teens? A mum who won’t discipline? Time-poor parenting? Why is it that those of us who care enough about our children will stand up and be held accountable and ask for respect from them (and be so exhausted at the same time) and then other parents will do the complete opposite? I don’t get it. To witness the bad attitude and the lack of parenting horrified me and left me in amazement. When I had a ‘post mortem’ with my advisor on this subject sometime after, the reply to this experience was simply ‘I told you so.’ What gave me encouragement was that my advisor is a little bit older than the ‘guilty party’ and thank goodness can see right from wrong.
Is parenting the hardest job? You better believe it. I guess at once stage in my life I would have loved to be taking international or interstate flights to fulfil my career and drive around in that convertible and take numerous overseas holidays, have a zillion and one credit cards at my fingertips allowing me to buy the latest Givenchy or Chanel outfit whilst the nanny tended to my offspring. Who wouldn’t? Instead I have opted for less and have received much more. I am so proud of my girls. They make me feel like a zillion dollars without the credit cards. Does it bother me not to have those credit cards at my disposal? Not for a nanosecond. You see I can be with my children in public and have acquaintances chat to them and then mention to me how proud I must be of these fabulous young ladies and that is more valuable than all the credit cards in the world.
It would be selfish of me not to make you aware of this Australian website. For those parents needing a bit of extra guidance/insight, check it out.....I think it is great.
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